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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26074540">Affectionately, Eames</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/voltemand/pseuds/voltemand'>voltemand</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Inception (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:08:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26074540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/voltemand/pseuds/voltemand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that we have, as you noted, gotten our annual and singular emotion out of the way, how would you feel about working with me and Saito on our latest grand scheme to end cancer (and also all other companies)?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arthur/Eames (Inception)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Affectionately, Eames</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dearest Arthur,<br/>
I suppose I haven’t an excuse for my normal horrendous grammar in these (and that sentence alone was incomprehensible). Anyway, this is just to say (wasn’t that one of your American poets? personally I prefer my countrymen, though I’ll make an exception for you) that if you’d deign to engage in a correspondence (is it a?) with me, I’d be simply <span class="u">delighted</span>, etc. Won’t be writing dates on these so I don’t sink into a depression.<br/>
Do write back,<br/>
Eames</p><p>--</p><p>Dear Eames,<br/>
Your letter was characteristically charming; I enjoyed the parentheses. I think you can tell that I’m writing in a facsimile of Austen, or rather a facsimile of another facsimile (I’ll give you a hint: it belongs to that genre that rhymes with finance grovel). How have you been? Apologies for being a rather lousy (absolutely lousy) correspondent in the past.<br/>
Yours,<br/>
Arthur</p><p>--</p><p>To the Honorable Lord Arthur, Knight of the Realm, &amp;c,<br/>
I must say that I was <span class="u">most delighted</span> (already got that very Regency–or was it Victorian? bugger!–underline) to read yr recent letter. Has anyone ever told you that you have <span class="u">lovely</span> penmanship? (Insert <strike>vaguely</strike> <span class="u">extremely</span> erotic section on what I can do with my own fingers, &amp;c.) Anyway, dear Miss Arthur (it works better if I address you thusly, roll with it), I must confess that I have been <span class="u">positively wasting away</span> without yr gentle (hah!) ministrations. Not physically–of course I’m still prohibitively handsome–but emotionally, mentally, &amp;c. Do you find yourself (yrself?) in a similar state? I hope not. I hope you’ve been rosy and apple-cheeked in yr own bony and bossy way, letting your/yrself get <strike>seduced</strike> <strike>influenced</strike> compensated in purely financial terms by dearest Saito (and if the old coot’s reading this, please remind him of my svelte form, blond hair, &amp;c–all you must say is <span class="u">hotel</span> and he’ll remember that he’s absolutely head-over-heels for yrs truly).<br/>
Yrs most affectionately, in yr service, &amp;c (that’s <span class="u">five</span> different “&amp;c”s, darling, you really must admit it takes some skill),<br/>
Eames</p><p>--</p><p>Dear (Sir? baronet? scratch that, maybe you’re actually some sort of noble) Eames,<br/>
I can’t exactly do the whole “milord, I have been knitting and being faithful/violet-eyed/generally à la Lady Elaine in your absence” thing, as you seem to have a monopoly on that in your own Eames-ish way. I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been well–do some of your distasteful drugs with Yusuf. Saito is very disappointed to hear that a) you think that he reads my mail and b) I generally don’t take too well to people reading my mail. Nothing off-color occurred, I assure you, as that seems to be a concern of yours. In fact, if you really want to know, I’ve been rather celibate despite the wealth of androgynous youth (no, not that young, I’m not a creep) surrounding me. (I can’t believe I wrote that but maybe <strike>Harlequin Romance</strike> Jane Austen knows what <strike>they’re</strike> she’s doing.)<br/>
Yours with many adverbs,<br/>
Arthur</p><p>--</p><p>Arthur,<br/>
I’m going to start by saying that this will be a short letter as I <span class="u">must dash</span>–Ariadne wants me to try what I thought would be some sort of sex position or experimental chemical but is more likely a painfully arty film with her–and I don’t want to disappoint you by dangling my usual charm in front of you. (Something else can dangle too, hur hur.) Have been pondering your current state, and must confess that I’m in a similar condition, even neglecting the arty films. How then have you been occupying your time?<br/>
Most ardently,<br/>
Eames (really not a noble, very middle-class and respectable, <span class="u">perfect</span> to cook your eggs in the morning–how do you like them, by the way? Enquiring for a friend.)</p><p>--</p><p>Eames,<br/>
Saito’s sworn me to secrecy, but suffice it to say I’m becoming very intimately acquainted with many different kinds of dying horribly. Nothing kinky, to preempt your concerns. It’s mainly medical—finding cures for diseases and such. I guess I just spoiled it. Pretend the letter’s censored, brainwash yourself, etc. I’m losing my touch. Art film okay? Send Ariadne my good wishes.<br/>
Stupidly yours,<br/>
Arthur</p><p>--</p><p>Most certainly un-stupid Arthur,<br/>
Darlingest, you simply will not <span class="u">believe</span> what I saw the other day. Now, don’t be alarmed—no vindictive exes on the warpath—I simply was most most most delighted to see a kitten on a walk! Your eyes do not fail you—<span class="u">kitten</span>, not dog. It was absolutely charming, all dark fur and clever eyes. Reminded me of someone, though I can’t think of who. On another note, Ariadne sends her regards. She’s taken up with some charming co-ed (or same-ed for her, I guess), bashing in all of Yusuf’s inappropriate hopes. You should try it—human interaction, that is. All quiet on the Eastern front?<br/>
Affectionately,<br/>
Eames</p><p>--</p><p>Dear Eames,<br/>
Yes, but I embarrassed myself horribly recently. I will not go into the incident, so as not to give you blackmail material, but suffice it to say that I will not look at animated girls, nor noodles, in the same way for the rest of my life.<br/>
You should get a kitten. Maybe it will train you.<br/>
Hopelessly out of touch,<br/>
Arthur</p><p>--</p><p>Kitten,<br/>
Isn’t that a <span class="u">charming</span> pet name for you? I shall start to use it without (much) fear. Training me? Isn’t that your job? Get your mind out of the gutter, Arthur–I mean nothing but that surely you can use your superlative skills to help me become more organized or something–I have started to use these dashes almost as liberally as that white-clad lesbian you adore–Emily Dickinson.<br/>
Can’t think of any good closing phrases,<br/>
Eames</p><p>--</p><p>Eames,<br/>
I’m worried that you’re losing your touch. <span class="u">Kitten</span>, really, Eames? Do you want to sound like some sort of Internet political extremist/pervert/mother’s-basement-dweller? No one says <span class="u">kitten</span> unless they don’t have any better pet names.<br/>
We don’t know if Dickinson was gay–I just told that to you so you’d remember it better.<br/>
Ariadne wrote me recently, saying that you’re horribly bored, and I don’t want to be a monster  and/or enable any sort of malevolent ideation (not suicidal, Eames, but if you are, remember that you are a good person under it all, and you have people who care, you really do–and the parenthesis is getting longer than the actual sentence, but it felt important, if obvious).<br/>
Don’t worry, I can’t either,<br/>
Arthur</p><p>--</p><p>My liege,<br/>
Firstly, I wanted to assure you that I’m fine. Better than fine, maybe, because if I can get bored, it means that I’m not doing anything illegal–and if you’re reading this, Japanese police, damn you! Damn you and your working public transportation.<br/>
Secondly, and more importantly, if you ever want to–you know, insert my quaint Britishisms about offing/topping yourself–then remember exactly what you said to me, except with fewer asides and in a more fervent tone of voice. Because, Arthur, you’re important to many people. Cobb, of course. His children. Ariadne. Saito (and if he’s writing this letter, please tell him that I’m sure his ass is completely smashing, but our love cannot be). Other shadowy people who shall remain unnamed.<br/>
Now that we’re all done with emotions–we <span class="u">hate</span> those where I’m from, squash ’em like beetles (unless you don’t squash beetles? Certainly not <span class="u">the</span> Beatles, though that joke feels suspiciously insensitive re John)–can I enquire as to whether or not you like the new nickname? Thought it had a nice right of Malory to it.<br/>
Humble servant, etc,<br/>
Eames</p><p>--</p><p>Oh, Eames,<br/>
This sounds so horribly WASPy, but honestly, I associate King Arthur more with the Twain book than Malory. Go ahead and strike me down now from your lofty European perch.<br/>
Now that we have, as you noted, gotten our annual and singular emotion out of the way, how would you feel about working with me and Saito on our latest grand scheme to end cancer (and also all other companies)? Payment options enclosed.<br/>
Regretfully American-ly yours,<br/>
Arthur</p><p>--</p><p><span class="u">Delightfully</span> American Arthur,<br/>
I’m always happy to work with you, and under duress, I’ll accept <span class="u">other payment options</span><br/>
Not shocked by your typical Yankee upbringing—saddened by how you missed out on so many offensive and interesting books! Try <span class="u">The Once and Future King</span>. White hates women, but he does so very beautifully. (Insert Oscar Wilde-esque witticism about how I don’t <span class="u">hate</span> women but if given the chance to lie with etc, etc.)<br/>
Ariadne’s reading this over my shoulder and hitting me with <strike>puny, feminine blows</strike> great vigor. She says to read <span class="u">The Mists of Avalon</span> <strike>like the lesbian she is</strike> and I heartily second that recommendation. But of course, you are entitled to your own incorrect preferences. (Except, of course, if those preferences do not include yours truly.)<br/>
Tirra lirra,<br/>
Eames<br/>
P.S. When you say “yours,” in what capacities?</p><p>--</p><p><span class="u">Unnecessarily</span> English Eames,<br/>
You know how I feel about book recommendations.<br/>
Arthur<br/>
P.S. Wouldn’t you like to know?<br/>
P.P.S. Spoiler alert: All of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yell with me on Tumblr at <a href="https://withatalentforsquaddrill.tumblr.com">withatalentforsquaddrill</a> (for general bullshit) or <a href="https://foresme.tumblr.com">foresme</a> (for fandom bullshit).</p></blockquote></div></div>
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